"The mother’s rapid hand motions and speech conveyed urgency, like if we didn’t complete a transaction within the next five minutes, she couldn’t be held responsible for the chaos that would ensue." I recognize this mom.
Wow, this is brilliant. Cinematic and not just because of the film references. I felt like I was there, able to visualize every scene. This is a remarkable piece of writing which I know must have come from some painstaking research to find not just the place of the story but the voice of the narrator. Bravo, Julie! One of my favorites in this collection so far.
Oh, my, thank you, Ben! I’m so glad you enjoyed it. I love research - sometimes too much (as a procrastination), but given the quick timeframe, I had to use it lightly. Or, at least, I tried to.
Great job taking someone else’s prompt and turning it into an interesting story! I raced through it, because I was anxious to see what happened next. Loved the ending!
So so good, Julie. The style was infectious and witty (plus the movie references were so well placed) and the turn of events took me by surprise and I found myself reading faster and faster to hope that Lucy made it out of the car.
Also, loved that this was in Melbourne. The moment Lygon Street was mentioned I could see everything with an ever clearer eye.
Oh, I'm so glad to hear that! Though I've been to Australia, I've never been to Melbourne, and so relied on Google Maps / street view and reading articles about the Italian community there. I was aware that Italians settled in Australia from our trip, when we encountered relentlessly great coffee and wondered how that came to be. Thanks for your encouragement; it means a lot.
Yes, the Italian community here is large and the area around Lygon St is essentially "The Italian Quarter". I'm very grateful for the impact it's had on the coffee culture 😋☕
Wow. Your dialog and descriptions crackle, and the story just moves with such confidence and verve. I did not expect the car scene, but looking back at your (perfect) description of the deplorable Mr. Cooper I should have had an idea he was a terrible man. I love the way you wove Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore into the story, and how it helped empower a young woman who would need that kind of confidence in her own life. Really great read!
"My mother’s ancestor aside, shoes were not in my blood. Cigarettes and TaB and chips were in my blood. Boredom and apathy and ‘70s feminist movies were in my blood." Amazing how you really captured the character with these lines. I loved this. Enough local colour to be real. I felt like I was there.
I wrote it from a prompt supplied by another writer in the project. I did a prompt too, so there’s a story based on that by another writer. Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading!
Dec 29, 2023·edited Dec 29, 2023Liked by Julie Gabrielli
Julie it’s a fantastic story! Wow. I loved so much about it and could really feel Lucy’s power raising. I also loved how she took charge in the shop in her cut offs before she even knew the owners name! Also the opening line - her mother’s grandfather- instead of saying her great grandfather. I loved that. And the ickyness of Mr. Cooper’s hand and the thick carpet of red hair. Yuck. And so much more…just wow. Terrific!
"The mother’s rapid hand motions and speech conveyed urgency, like if we didn’t complete a transaction within the next five minutes, she couldn’t be held responsible for the chaos that would ensue." I recognize this mom.
She’s Everymom.
Wow, this is brilliant. Cinematic and not just because of the film references. I felt like I was there, able to visualize every scene. This is a remarkable piece of writing which I know must have come from some painstaking research to find not just the place of the story but the voice of the narrator. Bravo, Julie! One of my favorites in this collection so far.
Oh, my, thank you, Ben! I’m so glad you enjoyed it. I love research - sometimes too much (as a procrastination), but given the quick timeframe, I had to use it lightly. Or, at least, I tried to.
Great job taking someone else’s prompt and turning it into an interesting story! I raced through it, because I was anxious to see what happened next. Loved the ending!
P.S. I’ve read Cats Eye. Strange but good book.
Thanks, Gail! I’m glad you enjoyed it. Agree - Cats Eye is good, and strange.
A very well-written story. I'd forgotten it was Lucy and thought it was an essay.
Thanks so much, Thomas! Glad you enjoyed it.
So good, read in one sitting while my coffee went cold. Thank you 🙏
Oops. Sorry about the coffee! So glad you enjoyed it. 😊
Any excuse to make more coffee....
🥰
The sign of a very good read 😁
Great stuff, Julie. And of course it made me wild with fury which means you succeeded. I am growling and applauding at the same time.
I’m blushing, grinning and - oh, dear - there’s something in my eye. 😅 Glad you enjoyed it.
So well done, Julie! I was right there with Lucy. And I had some feels about Mr. Cooper. Blech. You painted him well. Loved the ending.
Thanks for reading, Holly. Glad you enjoyed it.
So so good, Julie. The style was infectious and witty (plus the movie references were so well placed) and the turn of events took me by surprise and I found myself reading faster and faster to hope that Lucy made it out of the car.
Also, loved that this was in Melbourne. The moment Lygon Street was mentioned I could see everything with an ever clearer eye.
Oh, I'm so glad to hear that! Though I've been to Australia, I've never been to Melbourne, and so relied on Google Maps / street view and reading articles about the Italian community there. I was aware that Italians settled in Australia from our trip, when we encountered relentlessly great coffee and wondered how that came to be. Thanks for your encouragement; it means a lot.
Wow, I figured you were actually from Melbourne!
You did a great job, then.
Yes, the Italian community here is large and the area around Lygon St is essentially "The Italian Quarter". I'm very grateful for the impact it's had on the coffee culture 😋☕
PS the offhand comment of Nova (one of the best local indie cinemas) really solidified it for me you must be from here haha.
Fantastic! Mission accomplished! When I get back there, I'll have to take in a film.
Wow. Your dialog and descriptions crackle, and the story just moves with such confidence and verve. I did not expect the car scene, but looking back at your (perfect) description of the deplorable Mr. Cooper I should have had an idea he was a terrible man. I love the way you wove Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore into the story, and how it helped empower a young woman who would need that kind of confidence in her own life. Really great read!
Thanks for reading, Troy. And for your encouragement. It was a bit of a flyer to weave in the films, so I appreciate your thoughts on that.
Beautifully done!
Thanks, Sal!
"My mother’s ancestor aside, shoes were not in my blood. Cigarettes and TaB and chips were in my blood. Boredom and apathy and ‘70s feminist movies were in my blood." Amazing how you really captured the character with these lines. I loved this. Enough local colour to be real. I felt like I was there.
Much appreciated, Jo. The prompt was so rich with suggestive details, this was a joy to write.
You did a great job. It was very real. I felt it.
Beautifully done, Julie, and very credible!
Thanks for reading! Glad you enjoyed it.
Hi Julie! So did you write this or are you reposting? It’s such a great story!!
I wrote it from a prompt supplied by another writer in the project. I did a prompt too, so there’s a story based on that by another writer. Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading!
Julie it’s a fantastic story! Wow. I loved so much about it and could really feel Lucy’s power raising. I also loved how she took charge in the shop in her cut offs before she even knew the owners name! Also the opening line - her mother’s grandfather- instead of saying her great grandfather. I loved that. And the ickyness of Mr. Cooper’s hand and the thick carpet of red hair. Yuck. And so much more…just wow. Terrific!
Thanks for these specific comments! It’s great to be appreciated. 😊 I had a lot of fun with this.