A lovely reminder, Julie, as I am facing a difficult situation with my own son. Empathy first shows my love and respect for his feelings, even if we disagree about what is to come next. Thank you for sharing this.
To me, empathic listening, which is at the core of empathy-- is of the spirit. There is an intentional willingness to set aside yourself and your needs to care for another. Empathic listening entails a fundamental release of self-centerness, a ’sacrificial’ setting aside your own self interest to focus on the other’s need: it is precious to give or to receive. My early posts in 'Listen First' tried hard to explore this precious act. It isn't easy to explain or recommend--it just is at the core of loving.
Well said. We learned a technique that can be taught and practiced but doesn’t really get to the spiritual core you mention. The idea is to listen well so that you can repeat back what you heard and check with the person if that’s what they said. It’s kind of a “fake it till you make it” technique.
It's words are for me and then to others. To be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, it is in pardoning that we are pardon. It takes me beyond myself. I am consoled, I console others, and in consoling others, I am consoled. When we pardon others, we pardon ourselves, as in letting go of the offense.
And just the opposites that it invokes. Where there is hatred, let me sow your love, where there is injury, your pardon or healing.
Oh my goodness, this resonates. I so can get caught up in the wanting to be understood—even though I know it to be true beyond doubt that to understand not only matters so much more to me but is, perhaps ironically?, honestly the best way to be understood by both myself and others.
Thank you for this reminder, Julie. I truly appreciate your wisdom.
"Sometimes I think I'm especially flawed." Ha! You too? Me too, my friend, me too.
I often remind myself when I'm in a position of teaching or remind friends who are guiding kids that we're often planting seeds, that we often need to hear lessons over and over and over again until we begin to truly implement them. I find it comforting to remind myself that this is true for me too. For example, with the knowing versus the applying of the intention to understand over to be understood.
I am moved by the idea that there is a "choice between turning inward and reaching outward." Add a bit of empathy and it is amazing how a perspective shift.
I love this, and I really like this structure idea, working through a prayer line by line and dissecting each piece with consciousness and intention. Very well written!
Thank you for another meaningful reflection. In a previous post on the Prayer, a reader noted the book, Living With Contradiction, by Esther de Waal. I read the book and a central theme is this constant turning inward and outward. She compares it to an ever-turning wheel:
“Sometimes I feel that what St Benedict is showing us is like some great wheel in perpetual motion. Solitude becomes communion, communion becomes solitude; silence leads to dialogue, dialogue leads to silence; prayer leads to commitment to the world, commitment to the world leads back to silence.”
A lovely reminder, Julie, as I am facing a difficult situation with my own son. Empathy first shows my love and respect for his feelings, even if we disagree about what is to come next. Thank you for sharing this.
It always sounds easier than it is in real life. Good luck! 😌
Wow Julie! This is so beautiful❤️🙏🕊️
and w technology, it can further bridge gaps, and transform connections into deeply meaningful experiences when done right.
Like here on Substack, for instance? 😊
To me, empathic listening, which is at the core of empathy-- is of the spirit. There is an intentional willingness to set aside yourself and your needs to care for another. Empathic listening entails a fundamental release of self-centerness, a ’sacrificial’ setting aside your own self interest to focus on the other’s need: it is precious to give or to receive. My early posts in 'Listen First' tried hard to explore this precious act. It isn't easy to explain or recommend--it just is at the core of loving.
Well said. We learned a technique that can be taught and practiced but doesn’t really get to the spiritual core you mention. The idea is to listen well so that you can repeat back what you heard and check with the person if that’s what they said. It’s kind of a “fake it till you make it” technique.
The whole prayer reminds me of self and other.
I’d love to hear more.
It's words are for me and then to others. To be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, it is in pardoning that we are pardon. It takes me beyond myself. I am consoled, I console others, and in consoling others, I am consoled. When we pardon others, we pardon ourselves, as in letting go of the offense.
And just the opposites that it invokes. Where there is hatred, let me sow your love, where there is injury, your pardon or healing.
Ah! Well said. This strikes me as the definition of reciprocity. 🤍
Oh my goodness, this resonates. I so can get caught up in the wanting to be understood—even though I know it to be true beyond doubt that to understand not only matters so much more to me but is, perhaps ironically?, honestly the best way to be understood by both myself and others.
Thank you for this reminder, Julie. I truly appreciate your wisdom.
Thanks for weighing in, Holly. Sometimes I think I’m especially flawed, so it’s a relief to see what resonates. 😉
"Sometimes I think I'm especially flawed." Ha! You too? Me too, my friend, me too.
I often remind myself when I'm in a position of teaching or remind friends who are guiding kids that we're often planting seeds, that we often need to hear lessons over and over and over again until we begin to truly implement them. I find it comforting to remind myself that this is true for me too. For example, with the knowing versus the applying of the intention to understand over to be understood.
Grateful for you and your words!
Likewise!
I am moved by the idea that there is a "choice between turning inward and reaching outward." Add a bit of empathy and it is amazing how a perspective shift.
Thanks for chiming in, Stacy.
I love this, and I really like this structure idea, working through a prayer line by line and dissecting each piece with consciousness and intention. Very well written!
Thanks for being here, Angie. 🕊️🤍
Thank you for writing!
Thank you for another meaningful reflection. In a previous post on the Prayer, a reader noted the book, Living With Contradiction, by Esther de Waal. I read the book and a central theme is this constant turning inward and outward. She compares it to an ever-turning wheel:
“Sometimes I feel that what St Benedict is showing us is like some great wheel in perpetual motion. Solitude becomes communion, communion becomes solitude; silence leads to dialogue, dialogue leads to silence; prayer leads to commitment to the world, commitment to the world leads back to silence.”
Oh how beautiful!! Thanks for sharing that. 🕊️🤍